Dating

[WRXtranceformed]

Wanted to throw up this thread to check throughout the day in between crazy amounts of work because I'm curious as to how you guys do / did it.

I know some of you guys are engaged or married now, but you can comment on what you did during your single years to meet someone of the opposite sex.

When I was at JMU, most of the girls I hung out with I met either through class or partying, but once you get into the working world and get inundated with work it's a lot harder to meet people you want to hang out with. When I lived in NoVA, I'd go out to local bars and up to Arlington occassionally. It's always been hard for me to pick up girls at a bar though because I'm not that kind of guy who goes slut-hunting every weekend. Yeah I've had random hookups but for the most part I'm usually looking for a girl that doesn't completely suck and that I'd like to spend some time with.

I tried dating coworkers on several occassions, and quickly made it a rule to not do it anymore... I broke the rule on my last girlfriend I met through work, but recently ended it because of the implications of what could happen if it got ugly.

Here in Charlotte, most young (and old) single people go to uptown to the bars there. If the uptown scene gets old, the area I live in actually has some pretty decent spots to hang out and meet people. I've met a surprising number of girls through friends too, those actually tend to work out the best in terms of longevity.

I unfortunately have severe ADD when it comes to two things: cars and girls. I get bored with them really quickly unless they bring a lot to the table. I also find myself in dry spells, like I'll go 2-3 months with no luck then all of a sudden I'll be hanging out with four different girls. This identical twin I've been spending time with actually asked me about it, I told her the truth and she's like "so I'm what, like #5?" I laughed.

What about y'all? Describe your successes (and failures, I've had plenty of those) and what's worked or not worked for you over the years. I look at dating just the way I look at certain types of sales; it's all about the numbers. The more you get out there and date people, the better chance you have of finding one you really like.

Sorry for the ramble, it's hard for me to put my thoughts together in the morning :lol:

[Mike]

i've found (and noticed) most success with friends of friends.

meeting girls at bars is so hit or miss. for as many girls as i've seen "met" at bars, only one has actually worked out. if you want some play, go to a bar.

if your friends don't have anything left untapped, join local groups (meetup.com), go wine tasting, play kickball, whatever... or even try match.com.

[WRXtranceformed]

I agree with you on all counts. I've always been hesitant to try match.com or other online dating services, mostly because of the stigma sometimes associated with it... but you know what, that's really the direction that dating is starting to take nowadays. Young professionals just dont have the time or desire to do "the scene" anymore and figure that they can meet other people who are actually serious about finding someone meaningful online.

My friend moved to San Francisco last year and she told me that she was hesitant to try match.com when she moved there, but she said that EVERYONE out there uses it. It's extremely popular on the west coast apparently. I think it's a perfectly legitimate and efficient way to meet people, although some of the girls I've met that have tried it have told me that they only met really creepy guys and it kind of scared them off.

[Mike]

don't be a creepy guy and you've got it in the bag

[JohnC]

One of my best friends met her husband on eharmony.com. That being said, I think she did have some pretty creepy dates before meeting him.

My experience (at least what I can remember, having been married now for over 5 years!) is that I never had much luck when I was "trying", and had the best time when I wasn't worried about it...

[ScottyB]

I never had much luck when I was "trying", and had the best time when I wasn't worried about it...

same here, although for me dating stopped after high school so i'm not much use here

[Ole]

I met my wife at Church when I was 30. Best move I made in my entire life! I highly reccommend it.

[HAULN-SS]

When I moved to WV, I basically knew no-one. Still don't. I haven't tried to use match.com for any kind of romantic success, but I did meet my roommate through roommate.com..not quite the same I know, but the point is, I guess people don't have as much of a problem with meeting strangers from them innernets anymore. My friend that moved down to charlotte told me her friend met her boyfriend from Match.com down there, so maybe you can give that a shot. I'm with them other guys about meeting bar chicks - that's not good for anymore more than 2 weeks or so generally.
What kind of standards do you have? Not too picky, are you?

[WRXtranceformed]

People hooking up from MySpace or FB is really popular here too. I have pretty high standards for dating, mostly because I'm so critical of girls. I stopped dating this one girl from Falls Church because I couldn't stand her hair. Gorgeous girl, great body but her hair was out of fucking control... I couldn't stand it. haha Yes I am superficial, I'm the first one to admit it.

I've met a surprising number of older women down here. I went on a few dates with a 36 year old, going out with Twin right now who is 29 (which really isn't that old, but she says that she feels old). The drawbacks to that is that they're usually looking for something really serious, which I wouldn't be opposed to but I'm not really looking for right now. Like marriage and kids serious. I'll also probably never have children which is a huge point of contention between me and a lot of women.

But man, Ballantyne is cougar central!!

[PDenbigh]

I've found that getting involved in "extra circulars" is a great in-road to meeting people, to date or not to date. For example, through mountain biking, climbing, caving, snowboarding, habitat for humanity, and racing, I've met some awesome people. I've met some awesome gals too that I am sure I could be interested in if I wanted to be.

I met Alison at Sunchase when I was a clubhouse attendant, but we fell in love through the various activities we both enjoyed. At that time it was motorcycles.

[.RJ]

At that time it was motorcycles.

Pete rolled up like this :lol:

[Kaan]

RJ commenting in the dating thread ?!?!

tell us your secrets of crusing the middle school! haha

[BLAIR]

im going through pretty much the same damn thing. moved somewhere where i knew no one. its really hard to meet girls for sure. JMU spoiled the hell out of me. Its pretty redneck where i live to. Any local girl is married and or has kids by like 21. WACK. My only option is to hit up the local college bars down the street at salisbury university. But I have been here a year now with no luck with girls at all. I end up heading back to nova more than id like

[Sijray21]

People hooking up from MySpace or FB is really popular here too.

i did that once...never again. She was psycho.

i met my girlfriend through mutual friends. I joined eharmony a while ago, although i never met anyone using the site, but i've heard good things. Another site that i heard about is <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.itsjustlunch.com/">http://www.itsjustlunch.com/</a><!-- m --> for working professionals with the same busy lifestyle.

edit: i second the activities idea though. i second Dave's comment below, plus it give you guys something to do. I think it makes it alot easier on a relationship when you both have the same activity in common that you can do together and enjoy it.

[Dave]

I will 2nd the extra curricular activities option. Also, consider places that you frequent, maybe the cute girl at the cash register has been eyeing you but doesn't know how to bring up that its just a second job for some extra cash...
The benefit of the extra curricular is that a) you know the person is interested in something that you are, and b) you instantly have something to talk about.

Most importantly, it might be time to "rank" your standards. There are some 9.5s out there that can keep you satisfied a whole lot more than the high-maintenance 10 that you're chasing...

[Evan]

lots of hot church girls. And plenty of church activities for singles and young adults makes meeting them pretty easy. (and most singles/young adult church groups arent preachy at all)

and as a bonus, you dont burn in hell for eternity! :lol:

having said that, I met Anne on match.com. First match.com date for both of us.

otherwise it hasnt been real easy to meet (or meat) girls in this area. Especially since I neither want a bar/club skank nor are particularly good at picking them up in the first place.

[balactm]

i've known my girlfriend for 5 years, and been friends with her for 4. try talking to girls you met in high school/college that you were pretty good friends with. those are the people that you know best and that will most likely end up having a decent relationship with. other than that, you can always meet cool people at parties/bars, but like others have said that's really hit or miss.

[G.Irish]

I think as everyone said, the easiest way to meet women is through friends. But you should take it one step further.

Network

When you meet women that you may not even be particularly romantically interested in, keep in touch. Or if you meet a hot girl that maybe you couldn't quite hookup with, don't write her off, keep in touch.

By expanding your circle of female friends you will bring yourself more opportunities. Any time a female introduces you to one of her friends you have already gotten past her creepy/sketchy guy barrier so you're already ahead of the game. Male friends can do the same, but typically your male friends are not going to have a gaggle of female friends to hook you up with.

At any rate what you're doing is multiplying your opportunities. If you try to talk some girl and it goes well, but not well enough to get with her you can still meet more girls through her.

E-Dating

This works too and it allows you to be more specific about who you meet. The downside is that you've got to put some effort into making a kickass profile because if you can't have a profile that sounds like everyone else's, "I like to do blah, blah, blah, I like to go out, but sometimes I like to stay in, blah, blah, blah". Take time to take some good pics, and update your profile often.

After you've got a good profile and figure out how to keep the woman interested in the first few emails it's a quick easy way to meet women. So instead of spending 3 or 4 hours going to a bar you can spend an hour or so sending emails.

The trick is though that you've got to get them on the phone as soon as possible. If you play email tag for too long people lose interest. Oh, and respond quickly, like 24-48 hours for each email. There are other people competing with you so you don't want to lose out because you didn't keep up.

That said I wouldn't use online dating exclusively, I think of it as a sort of supplement.

Meeting women in public

Don't think that you've got to go to a bar or club to meet women. A lot of the time it's easier to talk to women at a grocery store or whatever because their guard is not up.

There's a lot to the approach and all that but one thing I can say is that sometimes your best bet is to ask for the email address and not the phone number (actually don't ask, just say, "Give me your email"). It's lower pressure and it comes off as more casual if you haven't had a lot of time to talk to her.

[Maengelito]

A lot of the time it's easier to talk to women at a grocery store or whatever because their guard is not up.

Gerald: "excuse me ma'am, does this zucchini look ripe to you?"

[WRXtranceformed]

Good stuff G!

Do any of you guys use pickup lines, or have had any work? I'm not good with pickup lines, I'll usually just go up to a girl and start talking to her.